Image: Juanmonino/E+/Getty Images
About This Quiz
Some behaviors correlate very strongly with certain choices made, seemingly in unrelated areas. Studies have shown that people who use browsers other than the ones that came with their computers tend to perform better in the workplace, probably because the same behavior that leads someone to seek out and install a new web browser is the behavior of someone who looks for new ways of doing things. Studies have correlated political alignment to ownership of certain car brands, and it's obvious who has a family of five by a simple look at how many seats there are in the family crossover.
Anger can be very revealing, and the release of anger as unadulterated rage is a peek behind the thin veneer of sophistication that passes for civilization. If we could observe you in various situations that evoked road rage, we could use your behavior to triangulate which model of car you drive by comparing your behavior while in freak-out mode to our list of qualities common to certain car owners. Anger can be healthy, and expressing it in a safe space such as this is very healthy, so rather than putting you through an ordeal on the road, let's simulate that here. Take this quiz, tell us about your road rage, and we'll guess what car you drive!
After an argument with the person parked next to you outside a big box store, you return to your car to find it keyed. What do you do?
Curse!
Lay into the first person I see
Call the police and demand they solve this crime like it's the murder of the century
Key it a few more times to make it look intentional
You're on the highway when some slow driver refuses to let you overtake, accelerating every time you pull up to overtake. What do you do when it becomes clear you're stuck with them for the ride?
Tailgate them, brights on
Fall back a bit. They look unsafe.
Fall back a little, then overtake them at 150 mph
Just go slow, I guess.
You arrive at your car just in time to see someone crash into it while it's parked! The driver of the crashed car is clearly too young to have a license. How do you react?
Call a lawyer and find out who I can get to pay for the damage
Give them a stern warning and call their parents
Call the cops and tell them to throw the book at this kid
See if they need help!
Advertisement
You're driving an annoying friend to the airport as a favor, and despite your explicit instructions, they keep messing with the radio. How do you correct your friend?
Tell them to stop or I'm going to kick them out
Tell them that if they don't stop, I'm going to turn this car around and go home
Make a nonspecific threat. It's scarier that way.
Turn off the radio and break the knob off
How would you treat a fender bender with someone who you recognize as a workplace competitor?
I'd document it so I could post it all to social media.
I'd sue them.
I'd tell them it was no big deal, because I was going to replace my car with the new model anyway.
Nothing, if the car is still running
You're driving a plug-in electric car, and when you pull up to the only parking spot with an electrical plug, you discover a gas-powered sports car is parked there, leaving you high and dry. How do you hulk out?
Box them in, and run the cable to my car through theirs by breaking all their windows so the cable can pass through
Box them in, and write a nasty note, clipping it to their windshield
Call a towing service to punish the jerk, and find someplace else to charge up
Take a baseball bat to the sports car, throw lighter fluid all over the leather interior, and light it up like a Roman candle, laughing.
Advertisement
You come to the shop to pick up your car, which is getting its tires replaced, only to find that the garage has replaced your tires with fat performance tires. How do you express your displeasure?
I guess I ask if I have to pay more for them.
I probably wouldn't notice.
What?! Awesome!
I light the whole building on fire.
You pull into a 100% full parking lot. Someone gets into their car to leave, waving you over. Then they sit there for two minutes. What next?
Get out and ask if they need help, sarcastically
Honk at them in the most annoying way I can think of
Look for parking someplace else
Double park, boxing them in. Who leaves their engine running in this day and age?
Some jerk throws a bottle out of the window of their car, and it falls under yours, causing a blowout. Do you give chase, or call AAA?
Call AAA and make sure my cargo is OK
Forget AAA, call the cops!
Chase them down and throw a golf club at their car
See if I can fix the tire. I can't afford AAA!
Advertisement
You're crossing the street when a car brakes so close to you that you fall over. What happens when you're back on your feet?
Loom over the hood until they come out
Cry until a mob of strangers drags the driver out
Open the door of their car and fight them
Roll out of the way and run! Run away!
While preoccupied on the highway, someone "brake checks" you, nearly causing a collision. You're both still on the move. What do you do?
Pass them and toss something messy at them while I do it
Demand to know if they know there are children in my car!
Ask "Do you know who I am?"
Pull over and breathe into a bag!
Someone, offended somehow, has poured paint stripper on your car while parked in front of the grocer. You spot someone with the empty can of paint stripper. What do you do?
Tell them they're going to have to pay for that, and demand money, but don't bother fixing it
Take video of them and the car and demand they pay, enlisting the aid of passers-by
Physically restrain them and call the cops
Yell "Hey!" and if they run, take a photo and call the cops
Advertisement
You're driving slowly in the rain, when a fast driver, while overtaking you, briefly swerves toward you in an attempt to scare you. How does your anger now react while in fear?
I freeze up.
I slow down, and pull over somewhere until the shaking stops.
Take off after them and run them off the road! Then beat them with a hammer!
Sell my car and get an Uber
You're opening the door to your car when another car drives by, taking off your car's door and nearly hitting you. What do you do?
Climb inside and make sure I'm OK
Chase the car on foot and start kicking it
Put a hand in my pocket like I have a weapon, and demand the driver get out
Grab the door! That's where I keep my candy!
You come back to your car to find that an expensive, double-parked SUV has boxed you into your parking space. How do you unleash your rage?
I'd dent it when I open the door, over and over again.
I'd take photos, call the cops, and post the photos to social media.
Honk nonstop until someone shows up, then curse at them
See if there's a safe way to get around the cars by pulling onto the sidewalk
Advertisement
You're driving along on a beautiful day, and some guy who has modded his pickup pushes a button, belching black smoke all over your car. What's the shape of the red beast this time?
I'd pass them, and toss eggs at their windshield.
I'd come alongside them and demand to know if they know there are kids in my car.
Pass them, yell something rude, and rocket off into the distance
Roll up my windows and pray the smell goes away
You see a hetero couple in the car next to you having an argument that's turning physical. The man hits the woman, and the fighting stops. What do you do?
Flag them down any way I can, and lay into the man with my fists
Take some pictures, and call the police
Honk at them and point like they have a flat, then when they pull over, threaten to destroy the guy's life, starting with his job
Find a way to get them to pull over, and then ask the woman if she's OK
You're in a traffic jam. Someone sitting in the next car is playing music so loudly that you can't even drown it out with your own. Does the red mist descend?
Oh yeah. I'll pull out my 1800 lumen flashlight and shine it in their window.
I'd roll down my window, knocking on theirs, and when they emerge, I'd ask them if they could turn it down, for the sake of the children.
Yeah, but I'm not going to fight someone over this. I'll just give them the finger when I drive away.
No. I'll just try to be culturally sensitive to this person who clearly comes from someplace where it's normal to do this.
Advertisement
A private bus sideswipes your car, but you're still moving, and the damage is cosmetic. Do you chase down the bus, which is driving away?
My dashcam has their plates. I'll just call the cops later.
No, just make sure all the people are OK.
Hell yes! Chase it down and pull it over! This is not cool!
My baby! Pull in front of the bus and brake check them.
You arrive at work and someone has parked in the space you use. What action do you take?
Take one of their wing mirrors as a souvenir
Moan to coworkers
I'd call building security to have the car towed.
Park elsewhere
You accidentally cut off another driver, who follows you to your destination, gets out of their car and starts kicking in your tail lights. Do you lose it?
Oh yeah! Luckily, I have a tire thumper just for this occasion.
I'd freak out and run inside!
I'd tell this person they'd better have a gun, after what they're doing. If they have one, though, I'm going to back down, fast.
If by "it" you mean my tail lights, then yes.
Advertisement
A motorcyclist drives by you, smashing your rear view mirror with his handlebars as he goes. He gets stuck at a light. How do you show him how to behave?
Open my door in front of him so he can't escape, and stick a crowbar through his rear wheel so we can have "a conversation."
Point at the damage, maniacally, and demand to know if he realizes there are kids in my car.
Take a photo of the motorcyclist that gets the damage in the shot. Tell him that if he leaves, he's committing a crime, and then if he leaves or refuses to pay, sue him into oblivion.
Keep quiet! He's a motorcyclist! He's probably a dangerous gang member!
You're going to pick up someone, but just as you start to back into the parking spot, someone dives in, stealing it. What do you say to them?
Insult them, and insult their car
Get on my moral high horse and talk down to them
"Do you know who I am?"
I'd ask them to move over a little so I can squeeze in.
Someone seems to have mistaken you for someone they really hate, while you're stopped at a light. They're threatening to damage your car if you don't get out. What do you do?
Roll down my window and tell them I'm not the person they're looking for
Run the light!
Hit them
Get out and beg for forgiveness
Advertisement
When you're in a rush to travel a short distance and someone stalls you because they can't decide which lane to use, how do you respond?
Tailgate them
Honk nonstop
Gun the throttle while in neutral
Do nothing
You have a sick person in your car, and some jerk in a beat-up jalopy decides to play bumper cars with you on the highway off-ramp. You both pull over. What do you say to this blackguard?
I can't say that here!
Demand to know why they'd do this to a car with a sick person in it!
"Do you know who I am?"
I would say nothing. They're crazy!
Some punk kid smashes your windshield while you're sitting parked. His friend is filming it for YouTube. How do you get internet famous?
Throw a can of paint at the cameraman, and engage in some fisticuffs with the other kid
Demand to speak with their parents
Take some photos and call the cops
Run for it! They might do something worse!
Advertisement
A student driver T-bones you. Everyone is fine, but your car is done. What do you do next?
Demand the driving school pay for a new one
Tell the student that it's going to be OK. That's a lie.
Get the school and the student's family to pay for the damage
See how badly the car is damaged and apologize
Your car breaks down right after you find out that you need to get to the hospital for a family emergency. How do you take it out on your car?
Kick the bumper over and over
Beat the dash with my fists
Slam the door
Beg it to start
Someone driving a pickup didn't secure a 2x4 properly, and it falls under your car, totaling it. Everyone's fine, but not your car. What do you do when the driver comes to exchange insurance info?
Ask them how good their insurance is. I gotta work.
Thank them?
Ask them what their deductible is.
Ask them if they know how bad new car manufacturing is for the environment.
Advertisement
You Got: