Pretend You're on "House Hunters" With Your Love, and We'll Show You Your Perfect Home

By: Zoe Samuel
Estimated Completion Time
4 min
Pretend You're on "House Hunters" With Your Love, and We'll Show You Your Perfect Home
Image: Ivan Hunter/DigitalVision/Getty Images

About This Quiz

Buying a house is a truly overwhelming process for many people. It's the biggest decision you'll ever make, financially speaking - even more than what car to buy or where to go to college. It can affect your life more than many career decisions and even more than who you date. Arguably, the only larger decision in terms of lifestyle impact is having a child or children.

That means you don't just need advice, you need advice that's fun and takes some of the unbearable stress out of the situation. It's why home makeover and house purchasing shows are so popular. Sure, they do tend to glamorize the process and skip past some of the more boring stuff, and they do often feature a couple whose dual jobs as a specialist jam maker and a yoga teacher surely can't actually cover the cost of the splendid homes they acquire in the shows. Still, there's a lot to learn from watching this fantasy version of house-shopping play out. It helps us figure out what kind of house we want and what lifestyle it will provide. So, indulge your ideal home purchase fantasy with us, and we'll figure out what your dream house looks like!

What climate is your house in?
Cool and windy
Hot and dry
Pleasant and sunny
Hot and steamy
How many bedrooms are there?
Eight
Six
Three
One
What ridiculous job are you going to claim you have for the sake of getting on show?
Yogi
Jam-maker
Reiki master
Tantric sex healer

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What view will you have from your window?
Mountains
Ocean
Village and rolling hills
City
What will the parking situation be?
Infinite, essentially
Two spots in the driveway
Nightmarish to the point of impossible
An underground spot
Who will live with you?
My entire family
My boo and my kids
My boo
Actually, just me, I'm only with my boo to get on "House Hunters."

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Will any animals be living there?
Yes. Dogs, cats, horses, chickens...
Nope
Yes, dog and/or cat
Maybe a cat or bird
How do you feel about knowing your neighbors?
I want a few neighbors I know well.
I want to avoid them, mostly.
I want a tight-knit community where I know them all.
I want to pretend they don't exist but occasionally listen to them bang through the walls at night.
How much cleaning do you want to do?
Not a lot
Loads
Hardly any
I will hire someone.

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What sound do you want to hear in the morning?
Wind whistling across the hills
Ocean
Bustling village
Hustling city
Where will you get your fruits and vegetables?
I'll grow them.
Supermarket
Farmer's market
Order from a delivery service
What sort of outdoor space will you have?
National park
Beach
A small garden plus the countryside nearby
Terrace or nothing

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How will you get to and from your house?
Drive
Train
Walk
Public transit or cab
What sort of square footage do you need?
5,000 square feet
7,000 square feet
1,200 square feet
2,500 square feet
What is your house made of?
Logs and stone
Wood and probably some kind of fancy plastic
Ivy-covered stone
Brick and glass

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How old is it?
125 years
25 years
550 years
100 years years
What storage does it have?
Lots of outbuildings
A basement and a loft
Not much - I live life light
Amazing closets
What outbuildings are there?
Barns and stables
Shed
None
There's a water tower. Does that count?

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How will you heat your house?
Fireplace
Central heating with gas
Mostly just really good building materials
Solar water heater
What type of events will you host there?
Barn dance
Barbecue
Dinner party
Very naughty events that I cannot discuss in this forum
How much will you cook for yourself?
Most nights
About half the time
Any night we are not invited to another home
Never

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Do you need a lot of fancy culture nearby?
Not really
A little
Define "fancy culture"
Yes, please
How high do you like the ceilings?
About 8 feet, 6 inches
At least 9 feet
About 7 feet, 6 inches
At least 15 feet
How accessible does the house have to be?
Fairly - We want our old dogs and old friends to be able to get in and out.
Entirely - Strollers and wheelchairs alike need to be able to move around it.
Not at all
Very - Y​ou never know who will come over or how our needs will change.

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Do you mind learning another language?
I do mind, yes.
I actually already have passable Spanish.
I would love an excuse!
I love learning languages.
Do you love the big city?
I hate and fear the big city.
I like it to visit.
I like to know it's there but hardly ever go there.
I love the city, yes!
Do you get antsy if you don't have 20 kinds of Thai food available at 3 a.m.?
No, why would I need that?
I don't need 20, just one.
I hate Thai food.
Yes, I need it!

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What kind of dirt can you handle?
Soil
Sand
Food
Dust
Do you mind spending a lot on maintaining your home?
Yes, but we can do DIY.
I do not mind much.
I do mind, yes.
No, I love that!
What faux disagreement about the house will you gin up with your boo just to improve the ratings?
I'll pretend to be very spoiled by big city culture and afraid of the boonies.
I'll pretend to be super racist. TV shows love that.
I'll pretend to be too lazy to climb stairs.
I'll pretend to be baby crazy.

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You Got: