Navigate a Disastrous First Date and We'll Reveal Everything About Your Future Spouse!

By: Jody Mabry
Estimated Completion Time
6 min
Navigate a Disastrous First Date and We'll Reveal Everything About Your Future Spouse!
Image: n/a

About This Quiz

How you deal with your problems say a lot about you. Do you keep a cool head or do you lose your mind at the slightest problem? Well,  today, we want you to navigate a date that can be described as no other word except 'disastrous.' We want you to tell us how bad your date smells, how your jokes fall flat, how your date reacts when the bill arrives and what's gone in the morning after your date spends the night. We want you to keep going through with this disaster date no matter how bad it gets. In return, we'll tell you what your future spouse will be like. 

You see, if you've gone through something that harrowing, you should at least get to know what your soon-to-be fiance is like. Will they be giving? Will they be the mirror version of yourself? Or will they be as much of a hot mess as your date was? Our quiz will let you know just what lies ahead for you.

So, if you want to find out what kind of person you'll be walking down the aisle with, take our quiz. As bad as the date is, you will be laughing out loud! 

You're going on a blind date and agree to meet at a local bar. Your date shows up...
Two hours early and insists on reminding me every five minutes.
Two hours late just as you down my fourth drink.
Thirty minutes late - just as I am walking in the door.
Early, but I am late and I never live it down.
Your date smells like...
Flowers, vanilla...and my ex.
Bourbon.
Sour milk.
They just farted.
You're greeted with...
A pat on my butt.
No hug, just an awkward handshake.
A hug that never ends. Seriously, the server has walked away twice.
An insult at how weak my hug is.

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It's time to order appetizers and your date...
Is only looking at the cheapest thing on the menu - a beet salad.
Wants to order three things to "share".
Loves the same things as me, but will not make a decision.
Will only eat things I am allergic too.
Conversation over appetizers begins with...
Asking me a resume of questions. Literally like I'm at a job interview.
My date not shutting up about how many situps and pull-ups they can do.
Neither of us knowing what to say.
My date swearing at a baby who is crying next to us.
The drinks arrive and you notice that...
My date is only drinking water while I have a Long Island Ice Tea.
My date has ordered three drinks because they couldn't decide on anything except they wanted to be drunk.
My date has ordered the exact same thing, but neither of us can figure out which drink is ours.
My date fills their flask and orders another.

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By the time the server takes our order, your date is...
Yawning of boredom.
On their third bowl of complimentary bread.
Repeatedly telling me how much we have in common.
Three sheets to the wind.
You can't help but notice...
That my date keeps rubbing their hand on my leg under the table.
That my date has tried to steal my wallet twice and brags how they were raised as a carny-kid.
That my date has run out of things to say. Worse - so have I.
My date is picking their boogers and pridefully laying them out on the a dinner plate to evaluate.
The people surrounding your table...
Are staring at my date's flirty advancements.
Are waiting to see if I notice my wallet is gone.
Don't even know we are here.
Are watching us as if we were on reality TV.

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The first thing your date brags about is...
Their prowess in bed.
Their ability to get their date to buy them anything they want.
The number of years since they have had a job.
The number of reality TV shows they have been on.
When you order dinner...
My date orders the opposite of me so we can share.
My date orders the most expensive thing on the menu even though they openly tell me they are allergic to it.
My date orders the same thing and jokes about trying each other's food.
My date asks the server what is the grossest thing on the menu.
The conversation between ordering and receiving dinner is suddenly improved when my date mentions...
That they promise hanky-panky.
That they are giving my wallet back without incident - or cash.
That they are paying for the meal. Unless I want to pay for it, or we can go Dutch. Maybe we can split it down the middle. Actually, we'll just figure it out later.
They aren't going to kill me.

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The one thing you hoped your date wouldn't notice, but did, is...
Thay my pants are four inches too short.
That I have a booger dangling from my nose.
That I am broke.
That I chose to walk because I don't have a car.
When the food arrives...
I receive the wrong order.
The salad dressing is flooding my plate when I wanted it on the side.
I am missing my fries.
My date received veggies instead of fries.
Your date doesn't receive what they ordered, so they...
Ignore it and eat the peanut sauce even though they are allergic. This sends them into shock.
Pick off my plate.
Attempt to notify the server, but just can't get the server's attention.
Throw an adult tantrum.

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What is the first thing your date throws in frustration?
They throw up their food.
They throw a bloody napkin at me.
They throw the car keys because they are too drunk to drive. But so am I.
They throw a beer bottle which they just smashed on the table.
You are able to soothe your date by...
Hiring the band to sing my date's favorite song.
Turning on Pandora.
Giving a big hug.
Smashing my own bottle of beer on the table and threatening to make this an even match.
You tell a hilarious joke and your date responds by...
Laughing so ridiculously I feel ashamed.
Telling a better joke.
Telling me "It's okay, we aren't all funny."
Telling me to never waste their time like that again.

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Your correct dinner finally arrives and it is...
Raw.
Cold.
Disgusting.
Laughable.
You both decide dinner isn't working out and ask the server for the bill. Your date then...
Offers to pay with a rain check if you'll get this one.
Skips to the bathroom to wait until I pay the whole thing.
Still can't figure out the best way to pay - and neither can I.
Offers to pay with the money stolen from my wallet. Then calls me cheap and says I could have at least offered to pay.
You look at the bill and realize...
My dated flirted our way to a massive discount.
My date wasn't going to come back from the bathroom.
We both drank more than we should have.
We have the wrong bill.

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We finally leave the restaurant to find...
My date's car is stolen and I must bring them home.
It is raining out.
We are both too drunk to drive and must get a cab.
My date getting into an argument with a homeless person because my date tried to steal their donation cup.
You would think the date ended there, but you decide to do a nightcap at your place. How did this happen?
My date was very flirty.
My date wouldn't stop begging.
I felt like we had a strange connection.
Opposites attract.
The first thing your date says when they walk in is...
"Quaint."
"Oh, you have a nice TV."
"So, you don't make much, huh?"
"Gross."

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You offer your date a...
Drink.
Place to put their coat.
A seat.
The phone number to an Uber driver you know.
By now you are so drunk, you...
Start making out.
Can't remember where your shirt is.
Can't understand each other's slurred speech.
Head to the bedroom, but end up in a closet.
Which rule are you about to break?
No kissing on a first date.
No mac and cheese after 8:00.
Feed my animals every night.
No hanky-panky until date three.

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When you wake up the next morning...
The bed is broken.
My TV is gone.
My date appears disappointed.
My date is visibly upset and telling me how bad of a date I am.
You respond by...
Telling my date I had a good time.
Calling the police.
Giving my date a huge hug.
Farting.
You deliberate, but call the person...
Never. They moved their toothbrush in that morning.
A couple days later to retrieve my wallet.
Three days later.
Never. We happen to be set up on a blind date five years later and it's not as bad as the first. But it still sucks.

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