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Play a Game of “Would You Rather” and We'll Guess Which Biblical Job Would Be Perfect for You

By: Zoe Samuel

9 min

Play a Game of “Would You Rather” and We'll Guess Which Biblical Job Would Be Perfect for You

Image: jhorrocks / E+ / Getty Images

About This Quiz

Career choices are some of the biggest life decisions we make. They determine how much money we make, how stressed out we are, how many children we can afford, and how much free time we have to pursue our other interests. These days, job seekers are spoiled for ways to find that perfect job. There are many websites that allow job seekers to post their resumes, portfolios, and references. There are simple job boards. There are headhunters who seek people with special qualifications for jobs that can take them anywhere in the world.

In biblical times, things were not so easy. Most people simply did what their parents did. Most career changes resulted from cataclysmic events like wars, famines, or natural disasters. Migration caused people to change careers sometimes, and factors like land ownership or professional skills really helped to determine one's career path.

We've figured out a way to make this much easier for you. So you can be best prepared for the possibility of having to find employment in biblical times, we will be your guidance counselor. Just answer some "would you rather" questions and we will tell you which biblical job is right for you!

You've got a choice: would you rather have a rash that bothers you but no one can see, or one that doesn't bother you, but looks awful?

I'd probably rather have the bothersome one that looks okay. Appearances matter.

I'd much rather have the itchy one. I deserve to be punished.

I'll take the awful-looking one, obviously.

I think I'd rather have the one that looks bad, probably.

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Money makes the world go around. Would you rather have loads of money, but lots of expenses, or no expenses, but only a little money?

I'd much rather have the money. I can leverage it, even if I have debts.

I'm leaning toward the money, but then I'd probably give it away.

I'd probably prefer no expenses. Keep it simple.

I think I'd rather no expenses, since on balance, that's more money.

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Time to get spiritual. Would you rather God be a totally real jerk, or imaginary, but nice?

I'd much prefer a nice, fake God.

God is real, and nice. So there.

God is real, and not very nice.

I'd rather God be real, even if God isn't nice.

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Mount up! Would you rather have to drive cross-country all alone, or ride a bicycle the length of Interstate 95 with dozens of other cyclists?

I'm leaning toward the bike trip.

I'd much rather make the cross-country trip, alone with my thoughts.

Definitely the bike trip

I think I'd rather make the cross-country trip.

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Would you rather have a receding hairline but a really stylish haircut, or have a perfect head of hair but no style at all?

I'd rather be stylish, obviously.

I don't actually care.

I don't care as long as my hair is short.

I'd rather keep all my hair.

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Shh! Would you rather have nightmares every night but wake up well-rested, or never have nightmares, but wake up tired?

I can't bear nightmares.

I'd much rather be rested.

I can take the nightmares, I think.

I'd probably rather be a little tired.

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Let's see how the other half lives. Would you rather become hugely successful but have to work really hard for decades to do it, or have it all handed to you and get no respect for even your legitimate achievements?

Nepotism for the win! Gimme!

I would probably prefer to work for it.

I would definitely rather work for it.

I wouldn't mind having it handed to me.

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Cassandra, anyone? Would you rather know what the future holds but be unable to stop it, or not know, but have agency?

I'd rather know the future. Even if I cant stop it, I can prepare for it.

I would not try to know the future, as it is the will of The Lord.

I think I'd rather not know. Scary.

I'm much rather know, so I can prepare my soul.

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Bon appetite! Would you rather bite into an apple and find a worm, or bite into an apple and find half of a worm?

Yuck! I'd rather a half worm.

Ew! The whole worm, please.

I'm leaning to half-worm. Protein?

I'm thinking I'd rather a whole worm. A half worm would put me off eating apples.

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Order! Order! Would you rather be on trial for a small crime most people won't care about but could mean you get punished, or be a lawyer defending someone so hated that you will be hated?

I think I'd prefer to be the lawyer. I couldn't handle jail for a day.

I'd much rather be the hated lawyer. And by that I mean a lawyer.

I would much rather have the small trial and the slap on the wrist.

I'd probably rather the small, anonymous punishment.

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Would you rather be all thumbs or have two left feet?

I already have two left feet.

I would be fine with thumbs for feet, feet for thumbs, or all pinkies.

I need both of my feet. Give me more thumbs!

I would much rather two left feet.

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Ahhhhh ... Would you rather get a massage every day or have a personal chef who cooks your every meal to perfection?

I'll take the personal chef. My back is fine.

I'm leaning toward the personal chef, but honestly I could do without both.

I need the massage! I've got some old injuries.

I would rather have the massage. My neck is always killing me after a day at work.

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Imagine your job could be done from anywhere. Would you rather live in a tax haven like Bermuda or a tax haven like Monaco?

Monaco of course!

Bermuda, because it's actually a nice place.

Bermuda, so I could brave the dreaded Triangle!

Monaco. I like to rub elbows with the well-heeled.

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You've got a chance to strike it rich! Would you rather make your money from diamonds, which can have sketchy origins, or oil, which is responsible for destroying our environment?

It doesn't matter to me!

Diamonds, probably. I'd feel bad though.

Oil. It's the traditional choice.

Diamonds, because they are carbon neutral. Get it? "Carbon" neutral?

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Let's get geopolitical. Would you rather live in a less powerful nation on its way up, or a more powerful nation on its way down?

Buy low, sell high.

The meek shall inherit the economy.

All that matters to me is who has the biggest army.

I'd rather be in the big nation, since they'll still pay better for the basics.

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Practically speaking, would you rather have a cutting edge brand new PC, or an old Mac?

An old Mac, for style purposes!

I need no such things!

A cutting edge PC of course! Medal of Honor here I come!

Whichever can run the software I need for my job, and costs me less money.

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Pack it up! Would you rather have enough airline miles to travel for free for the rest of your life or enough hotel points to stay anywhere for free for the rest of your life?

Hotel points. Then I don't need a home.

Air miles, because I don't need a roof over my head anyway.

Air miles. I can find a place to crash.

Hotel points. I don't like to fly, but I do love a good continental breakfast.

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Show off a little. Would you rather be a piano virtuoso or a genius oil painter?

Oil painter. Art is a great investment.

I'd rather be a pianist. Music feels more spiritual somehow.

I'm leaning toward oil painting. It's more portable.

I'd much rather play the piano. I could more readily find work doing that.

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Time to consider your sense of identity. Would you rather have a name no one can pronounce, or a name no one can remember?

I'd rather no one be able to pronounce my name. I can at least use a nickname.

I'd rather have a name no one can remember. I like anonymity.

I'm leaning toward one no one can remember. I travel a lot.

I think I'd like one no one can pronounce, so I can watch folks choke their way through it.

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Consider the possibilities. Would you rather always be stylish but a little uncomfortable, or always over-prepared?

I'd definitely rather be stylish.

I'm leaning toward being prepared. It's more useful.

2 is 1 and 1 is none. I'll take over prepared please.

Why do either? I'm opting out.

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Would you rather only ever play card games like poker and blackjack, or only ever play video games like RDR2 or Devil May Cry?

Card games. There's no money in playing video games.

I don't play games at all. They're the Devil's work.

Probably card games. They travel more easily.

I like a nice video game at the end of the day.

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Prideful? Would you rather write brilliant books not recognized until after you are gone, or bubblegum novels that sell millions of copies?

Bring on the bubble gum!

There's only one book I'm interested in, and it's good.

I'll probably take the money.

I'd rather be brilliant and not recognized.

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It's time for a party time question. Would you rather always be on time but have to leave early, or always be late and stay the whole party?

I'm always on time.

I'm not a party person.

I'd rather arrive a little late.

I'm always fashionably late.

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A point on perspective: Would you rather feel like a person out of their time, or like nothing ever changes?

I don't like change. Keep things the same.

I already feel like a person out of time. Let's keep it that way.

I think I'd rather feel like a person out of time, since it's more exciting than the alternative.

I'd rather feel like things don't change, I think. Safer that way.

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It's time to make the doughnuts! Would you rather have a low paid job with great benefits or a high paid job with no benefits?

High pay is better for me. I can find my own insurances.

I'd rather have the benefits. I don't need much money.

I already work a job with bad pay. I may as well have decent bennies.

I'd have to look to see which one was worth more money, total.

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Would you rather have a regular taxi chauffeur you to work every day or have a really nice car you have to drive to work every day?

I'd rather have the luxury car I drive myself.

I prefer to get around on my own, thanks. No car needed.

I think it'd be cool to have a driver. I'll take one.

I'd love to have the driver!

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Here's a fine distinction: Would you rather have seasonal allergies or a get a cold for a couple weeks every season?

I'm leaning toward allergies. There are good treatments for it.

I'd much rather the cold. Less time consuming.

I think I'd rather the cold. It's easier to get rid of.

Allergies. A cold could become something worse.

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Would you rather have job security but question your job's morality, or have to hustle all the time but be fine about the result of your work?

I need job security. I'll take it, no questions asked.

I don't mind hustling, for peace of mind.

I don't mind the occasional immorality if there's a regular paycheck.

I can't imagine doing something immoral for a living.

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Are you satisfied with your job? Would you rather have a job with a product you can touch, or a job with an invisible effect?

I don't mind not having a product. It makes it easier because I don't need shelf space.

I'd much rather not deal with material things, as they are the root of all evil.

I like having a product I can touch, even if it's not one I want to own personally.

I need to be able to feel the work I do with my hands.

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Would you rather have your dream job but loose your best friend, or have all the best friends in the world, but never have your dream job?

Friends are for chumps.

I have a friend in Jesus.

I'd definitely rather have my friends.

I'd probably rather have my friends.

You Got:

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