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Tell Us About Your Online Dating Profile and We'll Guess How Long You'll Be Single!

By: Zoe Samuel

5 min

Image: Shutterstock

About This Quiz

Most of us have been there- you know, looking for love online. What we're focusing on is not if you found love or not; in fact, we'll tell you when you'll find love based on the way your profile looks. So, whether it's Match, Tinder, eHarmony or Christian Mingle, we want the lowdown on what you've said about yourself to snag a great catch!Â

Did you tell the truth about your height, level of education and your smoking or drinking habits? Did you tell them you like long walks on the beach and reading Harry Potter novels? We care about what you said and we want to know how you said it! We want to know if you've lied, if you've catfished someone, if you bared your soul for the world to see and if you were as sweet as pie. We want to know if you're using your own pictures, a friend's or a sibling's. And don't worry, because we won't judge you.Â

Based on what you've said on your profile, we'll then be able to analyze your answers and let you know just how long you'll be single for. So, be honest- we wouldn't want to get your hopes up for nothing! Now, let's get started!Â

What is the first photo people see?

Me smiling from the shoulders up.

Me at an event looking good.

Me with friends.

Me in swimwear, posing.

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How many photos are there?

Four.

Five.

One.

Eight.

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What do you say your job is?

I say my industry but not my specific job.

I boast about my amazing job title.

Freelancer.

I don't.

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What do you say you're looking for in a relationship?

Something real.

To have some fun.

True love, please.

Hotness.

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How much of the day are you logged in?

An hour.

Half the day.

All day.

Whenever I am in the mood.

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Which sites are you on?

Match, something like eHarmony or JDate (depending on my faith or lack thereof).

PlentyOfFish, Bumble.

OKCupid, Hinge.

Tinder, Grindr type stuff, depending on my orientation.

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What's a sentence you use in your profile?

I'm looking for someone to share the ups and downs.

Haters and bitter people please stay away!

I'm NOT looking for losers.

I'm looking for fun.

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Do you talk more about what you ARE looking for, or what you are NOT looking for?

Definitely all positive.

A mix, mostly.

Mostly what I'm not looking for, to screen out the bad element.

I have 2 of each: hot and up for it, vs bad hygiene and frigid.

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Do you mention any exes?

Nope.

Only if I feel like I need to explain why I am single at my age.

A few, so people understand what I don't like.

Only jokingly.

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Do you reveal much about your living situation?

No.

I say I have a roommate.

I talk about my cat.

I say I live alone.

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Have you had any friends assess your profile for you?

Yes, three people from my preferred gender, who are each happily married.

Yes, a married couple.

Yes, my single friends of course.

No.

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How good is your grammar?

It's perfect.

It's good.

I don't know.

I don't care.

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Is anyone in your photos with you, and if yes, who?

Only me and my dog.

My bestie.

My friends.

Just me and my awesome bod.

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How specific is your profile?

Extremely.

Fairly.

Only on my no-gos.

I'm actually not picky, so not really.

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Do you reveal your sexual preferences vis-a-vis kink levels in your profile?

Absolutely not.

I mention a couple, yes.

Yes, I have to specify what I will not do.

Of course, don't want to surprise anyone.

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Do you specify a preferred age range, and if so, does it overlap with your own age?

Yes, and it is seven years either side of my age.

Yes, and it goes from a few years one side to ten years the other.

Yes, and it is and does not overlap.

No, if they look good then I don't care how hard they had to work at it!

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Do you state your income?

No, but I make clear I have one and I do not expect to be taken care of.

I give a ballpark.

I mention that it is low and I am looking to trade up.

It's really not important for what I'm seeking, so no.

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If a family member encountered your profile, how embarrassing would that be?

It would be fairly embarrassing.

It would be very embarrassing.

I wouldn't care.

I would curl into a ball and die.

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If you ever get famous, what will the tabloids say about your dating profile?

They will say it is adorable and sappy.

That it was great, I hope.

That it was very clear about what I did not like.

That I was promiscuous, to be perfectly frank.

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Did you use a spell-check?

No need, I know how to spell and I check.

Yes, briefly.

No, why would I?

I think it was automatically on.

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How many deal breakers do you mention?

Two or three.

Between four and six.

More than 10.

Just two.

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What animal, if any, is mentioned in your profile?

A dog.

A dog or cat.

More than one cat.

None.

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Do you mention your education level?

I say I have a degree.

I say my degree and the university.

I say my level and demand they match it at least.

Nope.

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Do you make any generalizations about your preferred gender eg. "Most girls are X" "Men are so Y"?

No.

Maybe as a joke.

Of course, because they are.

Only to annoy people!

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Do you refer to yourself as any of the following: a queen, a princess, a nice guy, a good man?

Ew, no.

Only ironically.

Yes because I am those things.

I might call myself a queen but only as a joke.

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Do you talk a lot about a sports team you like?

I mention which one I am a fan of.

I dedicate a full sentence.

I have photos of me in the appropriate gear and I dedicate a paragraph to talking about it.

I have a team shirt in one pic.

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Which celebrity, if any, do you say you admire?

Paul Newman.

Rose McGowan.

Kim Kardashian.

Mike "The Situation" Sorrentino.

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Do you mention your weight, and if so, are you honest?

I don't mention it because I sincerely do not know it.

I mention it honestly.

I deduct 20 pounds.

I deduct 10 pounds.

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Do you mention any qualities you like in a partner besides looks, smarts, and a sense of humor?

Kindness and integrity.

Compassion.

No, those are about it.

I don't care about smarts, actually.

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How long does it take to read your profile?

Four minutes.

Eight minutes

Ten minutes.

One minute.

You Got:

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