What % Naughty Is Your Dog?

By: Zoe Samuel
Estimated Completion Time
5 min
What % Naughty Is Your Dog?
Image: StockImage / Moment / Getty Images

About This Quiz

All dogs go to heaven, as we know, but they don't all tread the same pathway to get there. All dogs are born with the potential to be good, but some are a little more inclined to be good than others, and some are more slaves to their primitive instincts. After all, they are the descendants of wolves, and that means they have a streak in them that is always ready to run free.

However, just because a dog is born with the inclination to be a little cheeky doesn't mean they will turn out that way. Love, training and a good home can help develop a sassy puppy into a very good dog. Some dogs, however, commit the occasional canine crime because their owners aren't quite setting them straight. These are owners who love their dogs and want to do right by them, but they don't have all the resources or knowledge they need. Perhaps they're short on time, stressed out, or feel cruel when they say no, which confuses the dog about what's allowed and what is not. Happily, these owners can usually fix their situation with some doggie training classes (that are often really owner training), meaning their natural loving kindness and their dog's goodness will do the rest.

Still, some dogs are pretty naughty, and as long as it doesn't go beyond a little light chewing or briefly going AWOL during walkies, that's perfectly harmless. After all, nobody wants a robot dog that never has its own ideas! Still, it's useful to know just how naughty your dog is, so you know if a little training might make their life—and yours—happier. Let's find out!

How often does your dog get out without you knowing?
Daily
Weekly
Monthly
Never
Has your dog ever brought you a dead animal?
Many
A few
Yes, but we were out hunting so I asked for it
Only when requested
Does your dog sit if you say "sit"?
Sometimes
If I have food
Usually
Yes

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How many words does your dog know?
3
5
12
Over 15
Does your dog jump up?
Constantly
Only when very excited
Only with new people
Only when told
Does your dog stay off the furniture unless you say otherwise?
Nope
If I am present, yes
It stays off all except the furniture I said it could go on
Of course

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You drop a piece of bacon. What happens?
Dog immediately rushes over and eats it
Dog tries to sneakily eat it
Dog looks at it hungrily
Dog looks at me for permission to eat it (which I give, because my floor is covered in dog hair so I can't eat the bacon now!)
What happened the last time you had to apologize for something your dog did?
They impregnated someone else's dog.
They ate the interior of a car. I'm not even exaggerating!
They dug a hole under someone's fence
They barked at the door and intimidated a new guest.
Has your dog ever cost you more than $500 in repairs to something?
More than once
Yes, once
Not that much, but they chewed up a few things
No

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Does your dog know which are their toys and which are not?
Yes, but they don't care
No, they do not know
Yes, they know
They know which are theirs and which belong to other dogs and to humans
Does your dog heel without a leash?
LOL, they can't do it WITH a leash
Only if nothing distracting happens
Usually
Always
Has your dog ever started a fight with another dog?
Many times
Only when threatened
Once
No

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Has your dog ever bitten anyone (who wasn't attacking you at the time)?
Yes—they thought it was a burglar
Only other dogs
Only me, by mistake while play-fighting
No
When a person comes to the house, does your dog bark?
Yes, for ages
Yes, until the person comes in
Yes, until they know who it is
Yes, until they are sure I know what's going on and am handling it
How long did it take to housetrain your dog?
More than 6 months
4-6 months
2-4 months
Under 2 months

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Does your dog know not to disturb you when you're busy?
They know. It does not stop them. It does not even make them pause.
They don't know
They usually know
They only disturb me when it's urgent or an agreed appointment (eg walkies, which they know is always at 5pm)
Is there anything your dog can make you do, 100% of the times it tries?
So many things
Yes, if they want my attention, they will always get it
Unless I really try to ignore them, then usually
Nope
Did you put a lot of time into training your dog?
Not really
I tried, man
Yes, I was diligent
I still do

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How good was your dog-raising knowledge before you got a dog?
I had never had a dog, nor knew anyone who did
I had never had a dog, but I read a book
I grew up with dogs but was never mainly responsible
I grew up with dogs, took care of other dogs, and got myself educated
Do you plan to breed from your dog?
It's happened, but it was not planned
Probably not
No
If I do, it will be because I organized it with another dog owner
Has your dog ever carried on doing something naughty even after being caught red-handed?
All the time!
Only when it's a big-deal event for them, like eating a bird they caught
No, they at least stop when I yell
No, and more than that, they usually come to me and confess if they were naughty

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Does your dog have a doggie friend in the area that you didn't pick out for them?
Yes, several, goodness knows how!
They have one friend at a house they visit sometimes
They love a dog from the park that they picked
No, I picked their friends
How many of your neighbors recognize your dog but do not know its name?
All of them
A few
They know its name
I introduced my dog to key neighbors
Does your dog retrieve?
LOL no, it just eats things if I throw them
It mostly ignores what I throw
It wants to
Of course

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Does your dog have to be given a command more than once?
Ten times won't help
Yes, but usually obeys on the second or third try
Regularly
Not often
You're having (human) dinner. What is your dog doing?
Prowling around under my feet hoping I'll drop something, or look away long enough for it to jump up
Begging beside me
Sitting nicely in its preferred corner
Sitting nicely where I told it to sit
How neurotic is your dog?
Extremely
A little
Not very
Not at all

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Do you consider yourself a pretty relaxed person?
No, I am anxious as heck
I have my moments
Generally
Yes, I am very zen
If your dog is scared of something like thunder, what does it do first?
Howl and chew things
Run around
Hide in a corner or under something
Come to me for reassurance, then chill out once I give it
What hilarious thing does your dog do that's sort of naughty, but you don't mind?
Terrorizes (but never touches) this horrible cat that my neighbor has, that bit me once
Chases my Roomba
Barks at the vacuum
Barks at balloons

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