What Is Your Elvish Name?

By: Mark Lichtenstein
Estimated Completion Time
5 min
What Is Your Elvish Name?
Image: n/a

About This Quiz

Many an American can trace their family back to a time when they modified their surnames upon entrance to the United States, either by force or by choice. This leaves many of us wondering what our ancestors' real names were. The important question is, what is your Elvish name?
What is your gender identity?
I'm a very feminine Wood Elf, which I take pride in.
Female High Elf!
I'm a male Elf, but also a leader, which makes me double-masculine.
I'm a male Elf, and I have loads of weapons, which is me compensating for my narrow, fragile definition of masculinity.
How traditionally feminine or masculine are you?
I'm pretty feminine.
I'm very feminine.
I'm fairly masculine, for an Elf.
I'm so masculine, I'm the only Elf with chest hair.
How much do you blend in?
I blend in really well.
I stand out for my perfection.
I stand out for my charisma.
I stand out because I walk around wearing an arsenal.

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How aggressive are you?
Not very
I'm aggressively snobby.
I'm a leader if that's what you mean!
I'm so aggressive, I spend all my time perfecting my fighting abilities.
How posh are you?
I'm only a little posh.
I'm so posh, I'm the poshest.
I'm fairly posh.
I'm not posh, for an Elf.
Are you authoritative?
No
Yes, because I'm a High Elf and we rule!
Yes, on account of my charisma.
Yes, on account of my obvious battle prowess.

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If a party has formed and they want to go on a quest, do you volunteer?
No! I'll probably get roped in though.
No. I've no interest in it.
I would volunteer, because it is an opportunity to lead.
I would volunteer so long as I get to kill Orcs and Goblins.
If you're on a quest with a party, what do you do for the party?
I sneak into places.
I'm the wise one.
I'm the leader!
I'm the warrior.
Do you mix well with non-Elves?
If I had to, I would
God no. Ugh. Gross!
If they follow my orders well!
If by "mix well" you mean "kill them well" then yes!

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Are you special?
No
I am in the sense that I am not just an Elf, I'm one of the best Elves!
I am a leader! That makes me special.
I am a great warrior! That makes me special.
Are you ambitious?
I'm really not.
Ambitious? No. I've inherited my advantages.
I am! I will be a hero!
My only ambition is to be a great warrior.
Do you like to travel?
No, I'm a homebody.
I'd rather stay in my city.
I will lead my comrades anywhere.
If I'm traveling to a battle, I'm happy.

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Do you make friends easily?
Yes! I have so many friends.
I do not because I am a snob.
I do, so long as they are my followers!
I do not make friends, I make dead enemies.
Do you adapt well to changing circumstances?
I do!
I don't.
I will adapt to lead my people!
I'm only useful in combat.
Are your abilities fairly specialized?
I'm not a specialist at all.
No, but I'm not good at non-Elf things.
No, but I do have a specialty.
I have a specific set of skills...

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Which weapon would you carry into battle?
A crossbow
A bow
A greatsword
A halberd
Would you be caught dead in the woods?
Sure. What's wrong with the woods?
No, I don't go in for those country bumpkins who call themselves "Wood Elves."
I will lead my people anywhere!
If battle is happening in the woods, I'm there.
Are you maybe a bit of a snob?
No, I'm too common to be a snob.
I'm such a snob, it's sickening.
I'm a snob, but only to non-Elves.
I only respect warriors.

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Would you know how to forge a sword?
I could help.
I have people for that.
I wouldn't know.
I could do it.
Do you have any respect for the crafts of other races?
The Dwarves make some nice flatware.
There are no crafts as fine as those of the High Elves!
That depends on if you consider Wood Elves and High Elves to be different races.
No
What are your views on Halflings?
They are fun, if you go in for that sort of thing.
They are literally beneath notice.
They are inconsequential.
They are poor warriors.

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What are your views on Humans?
They're cute!
They're a poor shadow of us.
They are fussy, impotent creatures.
They are incompetent warriors.
What are your views on Dwarves?
They're not great, but they have a few virtues.
I'd call them subhuman, but then, I consider humans subhuman.
They are a potent rival.
They are poor warriors.
What are your views on Orcs?
They're awful.
They are abominations.
They should be defeated!
I will kill them all.

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Are the problems of the human race your problems?
They never seem able to solve their own problems, do they?
No
They should be left to their own devices.
Only if they cross swords with me!
Are the problems of Middle Earth your problems?
Ugh... again?!
It frequently seems like they are.
They are, and I will lead us to victory!
Only if they set foot on my land.
Do you have any feelings about the gods?
They seem like busybodies.
They are fools to meddle with me!
They are fearsome and should be revered.
Only Cyric matters.

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What would be your preferred mode of travel?
Magic mirror
Giant bird
Unicorn
Warhorse
If you were confronted with an insurmountable problem, what would you do?
I'd try to blend in.
I'd command someone to find a solution.
I'd lead everyone to victory!
I'd find a way to attack the problem with literal weapons.
Would you ever consider giving your child a Dwarven name?
If it's more interesting than mine... don't tell anyone.
No! Pah!
I think not, sir!
You're lucky I'm not armed, you jerk!

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